flood the ocean .

[jeisa-elise topaz .]

jeisa-elise.
-----THEY WON'T HEAR TONIGHT THE WORDS OF A LULLABY.

Knowing Noah was in a depressed state kept playing on her mind. Even though she was dating Kamilah now, Jeisa still cared for the guy. He’d been her first love, their last relationship hadn’t really led to much apart from her current pregnancy and now he was back with one of her friends, Hannah, who he’d loved for some time. But it seemed, everyone had a negative opinion on that. Including herself. Hannah had hurt him once, she was likely to hurt him again and besides, even he’d admitted he couldn’t stay faithful. Loving Hannah didn’t mean he’d never stray. At least, that’s what she though. Maybe she was wrong. Only he could ever know 100%. As she sat on her sofa, curled in Kamilah’s arms as they watched some reality show on TV, she placed her hand on her stomach knowing there was a baby inside there was such a phenomenal feeling and she couldn’t ever explain the warmth she felt. She looked up and saw the woman she currently called her girlfriend. Being bisexual was something Jeisa loved, and being Kamilah’s girl was something she also loved. They were basically like best friends, but they’d kiss and cuddle and have lesbian sex and they’d tease the boys like crazy. They always had so much fun together. But then again, they could have their cosy times too. Jeisa sat up, and told Kamilah she’d seen her in a little while, because she needed to go and talk to Noah. She left the room, grabbed a set of keys, her purse and made her way outside to her car. She hadn’t seen him for a while and for a moment she felt a little apprehensive. She’d not seen him since they’d broken up, since he’d told her he’d fucked some whore.

Always a way to make a girl feel good, when your boyfriend cheats on you with a well known skank bitch who’d gotten so many notches on her bedpost that there was no bed left. Whatever. Jeisa couldn’t be bothered living in the past, what happened, happened. There was nothing she could do about it now. She cared about Noah far too much to hate him, too. So what they weren’t a couple, they could still be friends, right? She sat inside her car for a minute, throwing her purse onto the passenger seat, revving the engine twice then driving off. It wasn’t very far to Noah’s place but being pregnant meant she needed to pee every two minutes and when you were walking it was five times as worse. It took around five minutes until she pulled up outside his place, stepping out of the car she sighed and gave a small smile. Lately she had tried to be upbeat about everything, any stress could mean the baby would die, and herself. Her last pregnancy was cut short by a shooting which had left her in a coma, fighting for her life. The damage done inside of her was so severe that even a slight raise in blood pressure now, could mean she’d instantly miscarriage and need a blood transfusion, which may or may not save her own life. Of course, knowing this terrified her but she’d tried to stay calm as often as possible, she'd smiled because shed figured laughter was the best medicine as well.

Jeisa had been having massages every day, incense sticks and oils lined her bedroom since she had been trying to create that delicate and calming aura. She had to admit, though, it was working quite well and she was much more optimistic than usual. Her baby bump was just starting to show now and she was looking as beautiful as ever. Her skin was flawless, she’d gained a little weight but she still looked incredibly slender and healthy. And her boobs had already grown from a double d cup to an e cup. She’d been buying baby clothes already, she had various furniture on order too. She was sort of hoping she was having a girl, just because she wanted to spoil her with dresses and baby dolls and playhouses and various other girly stuff. And although she would be disappointed giving birth to a boy, she’d still love that child all the same. And she knew Noah would. He may have been a bad person at times of his life, but she knew even he wouldn’t fail his own children. She’d been rather surprised to hear about Kaden, his eight year old son. And, admittedly, she had wondered whether he’d just forget about her and the unborn now he already has a kid. But after speaking to him, she was reassured. He wouldn't abandon them.

It really wasn’t like her to feel paranoid and insecure about things, in fact she didn’t ever feel like this. It was a new emotion. Every time she stepped out the door she’d protectively rub her stomach, terrified that on that day she’d lose her baby. Those few days when she’d bled she’d cried harder than she’d ever cried, with sheer terror that she was losing her baby. It was quite unbelievable just how fond she’d grown of the thought of that foetus within her growing every day, developing arms and legs. It was something special for sure. She was sort of sad she didn’t have Noah along the way, all the time, with her. She was sort of sad that for each scan, she’d looked at the seat next to the bed and it had been empty. And although she wasn’t going to be a single mother, completely, sometimes it really felt like it, and sometimes she was lonely. Kamilah had helped her out a lot, although Jeisa had never really said it, she just enjoyed having someone to like her in that way. Romantically, so to speak. Sometimes it was weird having a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend, after all this was her first girlfriend and especially because Jeisa was pregnant but in fact, it was just like any other relationship she’d been in, perhaps even better because they understood each other in ways men couldn't.

Quickly grabbing her purse and taking the keys from the ignition, she stepped graciously from the car and walked up to his front door, ringing the doorbell once and giving two knocks. Her signature way of arriving at a door. A small, brown haired boy answered. Looking at him was like looking at a miniature version of Noah and she couldn’t help but smile. “Is Noah there?” She asked. ‘Damn, you’re one hot chick.’ The young boy said, her mouth fell and she laughed. Definitely Noah’s son. The boy stepped away from the door and she stepped inside. ‘He’s in the basement I think. Are you gonna bang him?’ Jeisa’s eyes widened and she chuckled. “Easy tiger” She moved to the basement stairs. “Noah?” Jeisa called, walking down the steps slowly, before entering the dim room. “Hey.” She said, finally setting her eyes upon him. He was right about looking drawn, he looked exceedingly ill and his eyes were sombre. In fact, everything about him looked filled with sorrow. She let her bag fall to the floor and swung her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, moving one hand to the back of his head. She held him, kissing the top of his head gently, hoping that he knew she was all ears if he needed to talk.

-----CLOSED . noah tucker.
-----STATUS . finished.
-----ATTIRE . click.
-----WORDS . 1290.
-----NOTES . (:

[noah tucker .]

NOAH TUCKER .
and we're all in tears for the world is broken.

- - It made him sick on how everyone worried about him. Noah disliked people caring about him, just because of all that his dad had brainwashed him with. People caring about you, is showing weakness and being pathetic on your part, you gave them something to care about, therefor you were worthless. For you to be in a bad enough state for people to worry about you, you failed as a person as well. Basically in the books of his father, he was a complete and utter failure, although there was one thing that kept him from being lower than dirt to his father, and that was his ability to kill anyone in cold blood if he was pushed to it. That was how Noah Tucker used to be, until he fallen sick and he was just really too weak to do anything, he spent most of his time sleeping. Of course it made him disgusted of himself for his recent behavior of not wanting to do anything, but there was just nothing he could possibly do about it. Kaden spent a lot of time with him, which Noah appreciated a lot. They usually just stayed and played play station or watched TV, they shared beers and junk food.

- - Some said that Noah was a bad dad, just because of how he allowed Kaden to drink beer, but he didn't see anything wrong with it. As long as his son didn't get into drugs, he really didn't care. I mean, he knew that Kaden was going to get into beer sooner or later, so why not start early? It was basically how he was brought up and he wasn't so bad now, it wasn't like he turned into an alcoholic or anything. Although Noah did fear that his son would turn out to be like him, just because he wasn't exactly a guy who kids were supposed to admire. Sure, he killed the bad guys, but he also had to sacrifice the good guys every once in a while and that isn't good, that is never good. For so very long, he had the idea that he was horrible, one of the worst people alive. Just because his dad treated him so badly and coldly, so Noah figured he was so damn bad that he deserved all of it. That was, until he started meeting people in Los Angeles, a city he had found himself settling down in, as surprising as that is considering he never stayed in one place for more than a year.

- - That was just how he had always been. Never did he stay in one home or one city for more than a few months, just because his father's paranoia of the cops on his tail for his numerous murders. Being at only twenty three, Noah had been basically all around the world. His dad had dragged him on a plane to go from Chicago to China, to France, to England, to Australia, South Africa, and then all the way back to Canada. He had even stayed a few weeks in Brazil, but they usually hovered more in the States, which made no sense considering that was where Jacob was wanted the most. Never did Noah ask about that though, never did he really speak to anyone unless he was spoken to, that was how he was told to behave. If he failed to follow orders, he had been brutally beaten until his legs wouldn't work for a good twenty four hours. It wasn't much to him after a while, Noah just learned to numb his body and get used to it. That was why pain meant nothing to him to this day. Now of course, that was just physical pain. Physical pain meant absolutely nothing.

- - Emotional pain was what would be the death of Noah Isaac Tucker, even though he was a pro at hiding his emotions, leading people to believe that he is perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong, that doesn't stop him from feeling it on the inside. Everyone always told him how he just needed to let people in, that he didn't have to hide all the time, that he didn't have to just be for himself, but it was so hard for him to believe any of that. Being brainwashed for the majority of his life, it is very difficult just to undo all of that, and especially if Noah doesn't do it himself. There were only three people that he had ever let in, those were Rhys Horowitz, his son Kaden, and Hannah Scheaffer. That girl had seen the best of him, more than others could ever live for. To see him at an emotional state, it was a once in a life time chance, but for Hannah, she had witnessed Noah vulnerable and afraid more than anyone could ever think of. To guess that was what love did to you, it was hard to believe. At first, it had made Noah scared, he hadn't ever felt about someone like that before and he never had someone like that in his life, someone who could make him feel good about himself, it just frightened him.

- - All of this was running through his numb mind as he lay weak on the couch, swallowed by the darkness of the room. His eyes were closed tight, head was buried into the pillow, laying on his stomach. The past few days had been absolutely horrible for Noah, he just felt extremely sick and depressed and everything he did seemed to take an obscene amount of effort. His tongue moved around in his sterile mouth and he clenched his jaw, rolling his shoulder blades, he lifted up his head and glanced over his shoulder, finding Kaden staring at him, with a beer in his hand. "Thanks, bud." He muttered, shifting himself on the couch so he was laying on his side now, his back muscles stretched tightly against his shirt, and his disgusting ribs shown clearly through his shirt as well. Stretching to get the beer, he locked his hand around the moist, cold beer bottle. Saddened emerald eyes stared at Kaden, his eyebrows raised. "Yeah, yeah. You better get ready, 'cause Imma so kick your ass in Grand Theft Auto." He teased, smirking as he turned and headed back upstairs, going to get the playstation from the family room up there.

- - Chuckling softly at that, Noah just shook his head and allowed his exhausted body to sink back into the couch and he closed his eyes. No more than ten minutes later, he had thought he heard someone at the door, but he couldn't tell if it was just him or if it actually was reality. It didn't matter, because it had stopped and muffled voices came afterward and he knew one was Kaden. Slowly he raised his eyelids and groaned, just feeling weak and sore all over. That was when he had heard his name being called and his eyes opened fully, slowly he sat upright, before he pushed his weight off from the couch and stood up, but his legs buckled underneath him and he fell back on the couch. Groaning and cussing at himself, Noah scratched the top of his head and made to stand up again, this time he was able to support himself. Focusing his vision, he saw a figure standing in front of him and he had to squint at first to make out who it was, but before he could, the figure was throwing their arms around him and he felt lips on his forehead and he immediately knew it was Jeisa.

- - Jaw was clenched in reaction to the cry of pain that his body made to him, but Noah chose to ignore it. He just leaned into her touch and closed his eyes, his arms were wrapped around her waist. Laughing softly, he pulled away and stared at her, he didn't know exactly what to say. His vision had finally come into focus and he was able to see her, and he looked down at her stomach and found himself smiling, knowing that a baby - his baby - was growing inside. "You know, you didn't have to come." Was all he could really think of to say. His spinal cord ache with weakness and pain, but once more he ignored it. Scratching the back of his head again, he shrugged and glance around, not really used to having company other than Kaden. "Can I, like, get you something to drink, or to eat? 'Cause there's tons of food upstairs." He offered, trying to hide the weakness and pain that was obviously physically visible.



status , finished.
words , 1448.
comments , i fail.
clothes , click.
currently , listening to the script.

[jeisa-elise topaz .]

jeisa-elise.
-----ALL THESE TEARS FROM A WORLD THATS BROKEN.

When she was younger, she had always been the rebellious one out of her friends. The one who loved to cause trouble, make havoc and enjoy every second of it. Even as she got older, that love didn’t change. As a teen Jeisa Topaz quickly fell into the habits of drugs and alcohol. Cocaine was her preferred drug, and her party trick was downing straight vodka until she passed out in a pool of her own vomit. Countless number of times was she rushed to hospital to have her stomach pumped and bailed out of the local jail house after being arrested for underage use and possession of illegal substances and drunken disorderliness. She was a wild child. Always had been and always would be. Her family, consisting of her parents and five elder brothers, never bothered to tell her not to do something, because it was true that if somebody forbid something, you’d dabble in it. As a youngster, teachers said ‘don’t drink or do drugs,’ and in her rebellious little mind, she craved the day she actually tried alcohol and drugs.

Growing up in a military based home, she learned a lot about self-defence. Her army general father taught her everything from how to pack one hell of a punch, right down to how to shoot, stab and successfully kill the enemy. Her father was a very insane man, but he got the job done. He spent time in a lot of places, most recently Iraq, where his somewhat old-fashioned rituals shook the soldiers into shape. Sometimes, she wouldn’t see him for months on end. So, when she was a little girl she was ready for war. At that age, she rarely got into fights, maybe a few tugging hair contests but nothing serious, only when she was older and she witnessed the aggressive, drug abusive, argumentative, alcohol fuelled lifestyle, did she interact in hardcore fights, with weaponry and sheer brutality. And, believe it or not, very rarely did she lose a fight. There were adrenaline rushes when she had to sprint from police after stabbing someone or shooting someone in the leg or arm, but never did she kill anyone. No matter how many extreme enemies she had, something always stopped Jeisa from doing the deed.

When she’d met Noah, she’d been warned by a few people that he was somewhat of a reckless man himself, the type of man that would kill someone in ice cold blood. She wasn’t scared, nothing scared her, she lacked the ability to be scared back then. Instead she seduced him, had her wicked way with him again and again, over and over until she couldn’t move and she felt paralysed. They most certainly hit it off instantly. The pair of them were exceedingly attractive and both fearless and were not in the least bit bashful about wanting one another. For some unknown reason, they’d decided to try it out as a couple. Looking back, they never seemed to love one another per se, but she found an escape in him. She found herself telling him a few secrets and he seemed to reciprocate. That was when she fell pregnant for the first time. It had been a little difficult for her to grasp at first, and she couldn’t get her head around it. Even if she had been getting lazy with the pill, Noah wore latex every single time. Jeisa told Noah, and they agreed that she should keep the baby, see how things worked out.

That ended in disaster and for the first time in her life, she was terrified. After waking from her coma, being enrolled into another school and being told not to talk to anyone again, she was scared. Every where she went she’d think everyone was out to get her, and for a couple of months Jeisa-Elise suffered from extreme paranoia and panic attacks that made her feel like she was going to die. Things got easier though. When she moved back to Blair, her lifestyle fell right back to how it used to be. Four years went by and she started using, fighting and sleeping around like there was no tomorrow. She’d ended up in Noah’s bed a good couple of hundred times, sometimes not even his bed, sometimes not even in a building. Thing was, Jeisa loved her life and she didn’t really want it to change, although she felt herself developing feelings deeper that she should have had for Noah, he asked her out and she said yes. When he cheated, she was hurt, but it wasn’t the end of the world. And this pregnancy meant she had something to look forward too. But despite her excitement, she had flashbacks and she felt sick none stop.

Emotionally, she seemed to be unstable. Sometimes she’d feel elated others she’d feel sorrow in the pit of her heart. Hormonally she was a complete wreck. She didn’t know what was going on. But she was trying hard not to put herself under any unnecessary stress. She had her girlfriend now, too, whom she was very happy with. But she did still feel something, a little niggling feeling, for Noah Tucker. When he’d announced to her he was sick and scared, she’d immediately fretted, her heart rate had increased and she’d had to do some breathing exercises to calm herself down. There was the baby to think about, you see. He’d told her not to go, to stop herself from catching anything and putting the baby in a vulnerable state. But she couldn’t resist it. Once she was there, she knew she had made completely the right decision. He’d lost far too much weight, his eyes were dark and he looked like it was hard to take a breath, let alone live his life and look after an eight-year-old boy. Jeisa was hoping, deep down, he’d actually talk to her. Opening up was something she too felt difficult about doing, but she needed to know how he was feeling right now.

When he offered her some food or drink she declined, to be honest she’d had enough food this day to last her for a month. But she was indeed eating for two and she wanted her baby to be healthy, even if it meant she got a little fat. She sat down on the couch next to Noah and she looked into his eyes, her own showing her worry. “Oh Noah.” She sighed, her voice merely a whisper. “Of course I had to come. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” She admitted. Jeisa had noticed that his eyes had once moved down to her stomach and she’d remembered that she had the scan for him. She leaned down to grab her purse, opening it up and pulling out the black, white and grey image. With a delicate smile, she’d placed the photograph into Noah’s hands. There was a figure curled, it was obvious it was a baby now, with short arms and legs and a defined head.

She was definitely excited for the birth now, she had everything planned out for what she was going to buy for the newborn and what his or her bedroom would look like. She’d been online looking at the best food and drink, and she’d even decided she was going to breastfeed. Everything was so exciting, if not extremely nerve wracking. Her apprehension was starting to make her feel very insecure. She didn’t know if she’d be a good mother, for example and with what happened during her last pregnancy she sometimes felt scared to walk alone. She felt pretty safe driving though, her range rover Vogue was huge and sturdy and her tinted windows prevented anyone from looking inside. Nothing was going to make her lose this baby because she just couldn’t take that. As Noah held the picture, she took more time to assess how badly he looked. “What has happened to you?” She asked, in a careful voice. “Why didn’t you tell me you were getting like this, Noah?” Jeisa couldn’t help asking questions, it was just a shock to see him looking so fragile. “I’ve had enough of your touch façade, I just want to know what’s wrong.”

-----CLOSED . noah tucker.
-----STATUS . finished.
-----ATTIRE . click.
-----WORDS . 1413.
-----NOTES . this sucks.

[noah tucker .]

NOAH TUCKER .
and we're all in tears for the world is broken.

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status , unfinished.
words ,
comments , exhausted - coming soon.
clothes , click.
currently , falling asleep.