nothing to live for.

[saphara mccartney]

SapharaMcCartney
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Life for Saphara Penelope McCartney had been pretty shitty lately and nothing seemed to be going right. She was losing people she loved, she was lonely and now she was pregnant. So the pregnant part isnt that shitty but it is in her opinion. Life hasnt always been easy, but for her it seems like it has never been this hard. In her opinion she had no reason to still be living. There was only one time in her life when she felt like this, and the last time she felt like this she tried to kill herself. Everything she had to live for was basically gone, so why not just try and off herself again? It wasnt even really question anymore, now it was more of a statement saying that she was going to do it. She basically lost everyone she loved, so why not. First off she didnt have her mom anymore, and her mom had been like her best friend. Saph was only nine when her mom died and that fucked her up pretty bad. Saphara not only had to help take care of her little sister but she had to face her dad all by herself, and that was the hardest thing for her. A big guy coming after a nine year old really isn't a pretty picture, im sure everyone knows that. I mean big scary guy and a cute sweet little nine year old, who wouldnt know how bad that is. Anyways life being shitty wasnt a new thing for Saphara, but having absolutely no one was.

Milo was pretty much another person she didnt have in her life anymore and thats the one thing that hurt her the most. Milo and Saphara had always been friends. They had been friends since sometime during middle school, but once high school hit they turned into friends with benefits. Being friends with benefits didnt really change them. They were still extremely close, and the whole sex thing didnt make it akward. Saphara had been there threw alot of stuff, and he was the one that she always used to turn to for help. When things got bad with her dad she would go to Milo, and he would make everything better. He was like her little guardian angel and it seemed like whenever they werent fighting and everything was hunky dory between them that she would always be safe with him no matter how bad someone tried to hurt her or bad she already was hurt, she always felt safe in his arms. Of course being her stubborn and independent self she would never admit to the fact that he was the one that made her feel safe and the one that always could make things better for her, she would never tell him or well anyone for that matter. Basically Milo was her everything. Another thing she would never admit to would be loving him.

The tears rolled down her cheeks as she closed her laptop. She moved her hand wipe the tears away and then instead of picking her laptop up and moving it off of the kitchen counter she pushed it off of the side. That laptop had been the thing that helped her get hurt that night. If she wouldnt have talked to Milo or Persephone non of this would be happening. Milo wouldnt be pissed at her for talking about getting an abortion, she wouldnt have had to hear Persephone talk about dieing and why she left Milo and how she still loved him. She wouldnt be hurting because nothing bad would have happened. She would just be a newly pregnant lady that was sitting on her ass eating pickles and peanut butter and debating on ordering take out. She would be semily happy again, and she wouldnt be thinking of suicide. Thousands of thoughts were running threw her head and the only thing that sounded like it would make her problems go away for good, well of course they would go away for good. If she succeeded in killing herself than she wouldnt have any problems anymore, she'd just be in heaven... or probably hell.

She shook her head softly hoping that all of her problems would like fall out of her ears or something but they didnt. They were still there when she stopped shaking her head. She a pen out of the pen holder that was sitting by the phone on the counter and then she grabbed a sticky note. She walked out of the kitchen and straight towards the bathroom. Once walking into her bathroom she grabbed a bottle of prescription medicine out of her medicine cabinet. Her eyes scanned over the bottle. The medicine had been given to her when she hurt herself pretty bad, it was pain killers. The bottle said that you were only supposed to take one every 5 hours, that they could become addictive if taken to often, and taking more than 1 in the right span of time could cause problems. She pushed the medicine cabinet and stuck the unwritten on sticky note on the mirror. Then with her hands shaking she wrote 'i loved you, im sorry.' on the sticky note and dropped the pen on the floor. She then filled the glass that always sat by her sink full of water and poured the contense of the bottle into her hand.

clothing attire to lazy to find her clothes
status done
words 891 - yuck
other for milo.

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[milo hurley]

what's the deal with my brain?
WHY AM I SO OBVIOUSLY INSANE?



milo casper oliver hurley ,
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kay, come on. milo called, biting his lip softly as he paused to wait for his daughter. he was now at persephone's apartment, and he was going through with what saphara was going to surely murder him for. he was taking his daughter back. taking a deep breath, milo held his hand out for kaylie as he heard tiny foot steps scurrying towards him. he already moved her stuff into his car, so all he had to do was grab the kid and go. and he was. scooping her up in his arms, he held her tight for a moment, rocking back and forth gently. he had missed her an unbelievable amount, and now that she was back, he wasn't going to let anyone near her. i missed you too, daddy. she told him, giggling as she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. when he set her down, she laced her hand with his and followed him out to his car, climbed easily into the passenger seat, and buckled up. milo smiled, and even let her pick what cd she wanted to listen to, which was his bootlegged newest the acadamey is... cd. milo looked at her happily before he turned on the car, pulled out of the lot, and left behind the apartment, his ex-girlfriend, and most of the pain in his life. or tried to, at least. he took a deep breath and kept on driving, ignoring his screaming conscious.

milo still loved persephone, sure. he always would. but he couldn't be with her, and he knew that. that ship had sailed along with pers and kaylie about a year ago. but now they were back. but the only one milo could forgive was his innocent little daughter, who was singing along happily to the cd that was playing on the stereo much to his impressment. if that was a fucking word, even. milo couldn't trust persephone anymore. she'd broken his fragile, tiny, already damaged, black heart into a billion pieces, which in turn, had shattered him in unison. he was a broken man. a shell of what he used to be. a complete asshat, if you will. but it was all because of his ex girlfriend. even the blind could've seen that. she'd destroyed him. and milo wasn't going to ever forgive her for that. he'd been head over heels in love with the blonde, and she'd ripped out his heart and left it in florida. he planned to spend the rest of his life with her once, now that was pretty much shot out the window. now he was trying to force himself to move on. maybe with saphara, if she'd even have him after what he'd said to her.

just thinking about the baby that she so badly wanted to get rid of made his heart ache, and his pained expression obviously reflected it. he took a deep breath and sped up slightly, barely missing a car pulling out of a driveway, which caused kaylie to burst into a fit of shrieks and giggles. milo managed to muster up a half smile for his daughter and he turned to her. you want anything, kaylie bug? he asked her as they pulled up to a cumberland farms. she nodded and hopped out of the car with him, and he picked her up again as she reached for him with outstretched arms. he pushed the door open with his foot and walked inside, then set the blonde down on the floor and told her to pick out whatever she wanted. he had to find oreos, which he easily did, and cheese spray, which he found, but not quite as easily. he then went to find his daughter, who was struggling with reaching the slushpuppie machine. he pried the cup from her grip and filled it with the cherry flavor and slush she had wanted and handed it to her, handed the cashier a twenty, and left.

milo carried the now sleepy kaylie up to saphara's place, and as he let himself in with the key he'd got so many years ago, he started looking for the red headed girl. laying kaylie down on her couch so she could take a nap, he headed down the hall to look for her. when he saw that the bathroom door was cracked open, he looked inside and saw saphara staring at a pile of pills in her outstretched palm. what the fuck are you doing? he asked her, taking a few steps forward and lightly smacking her hand so the pills went everywhere, most falling in the toilet. why would you even fucking consider doing that, saphara? he demanded, his eyes wide and full of concern and something else. love, maybe?

milo casper oliver hurley ,
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love your shirt, guhfrand. doya,doya?
mom says dinner's DONEholy shit, how long was it? idk, 1,000-something inches words.
irrevelant information CHEEEESY.
the shit that i refuse to turn down at the moment is almost easy. xD

[saphara mccartney]

SapharaMcCartney
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Her life was slowly disappearing infront of her. She was losing hope in things and nothing seemed to matter anymore. Saphara wasnt always a bitchy and crabby person, infact she was actually a really sweet kid. She got along with everyone and she was usually a very happy little girl. A smile on her face was something you always saw and something that people liked to see, she was a fun happy child and thats the way she was for along time. Even if her dad was abusive or her parents fought she was still happy for the most part, or she tried to be happy. Saphara had always been a strong kid and she would put a smile on her face and be happy just so that people didnt think something was wrong, even though something was always wrong as she got older. But that was the thing, she hated people knowning that something was wrong. She was an independent girl and when peole wanted to know what was going on at home, or why she had an occsaional bruise that showed she hated talking about it. She always kept things a secret, and even though she had all of these horrible secrets she was still pretty happy and didnt care about the problems in her life as long as she was still there living her life the next day. As she got older though these things changed.

The more depressing and pessamstic Saphara came around during like her senior year in high school. Things started to get really bad at her house and since her mom was dead she was taking care of her little sister. School wasnt going great and everything just seemed to be going wrong. So Saphara turned into as milo would call her 'negative nancy' She started to find the worst in everything and everyone and thats how she had ended up like this. She didnt always have to be so depressing though, but it was like she choose to be the way she was. Only certain people could get the happy and extremely blond Saphara to come back out of the shell for alitle while. Even though people can bring her out of her shell and make it seem like the depressing and negative Saphara never exsisted she would always retreat back into the shell where she could be negative and unhappy, because she thought that being negative and unhappy was better than letting people in, being happy, and then getting your heart broken. Basically Saphara had picked to live her life this way, and the thing that was hard for her was the fact that even though she thought she couldnt get her heart broken while being negative and not letting anyone all the way in, she still did.

Saphara stood infront of the sink and looked at the mirror that was right infront of her. She looked like a total mess, her eyeliner and mascara and smeered all over her face. Her red hair that had all been pulled back into a pony tail at one point was now a total mess, and looked pretty bad. But why should she care what she looked like? She was going to swallow all the pills that were in her hand and then eventually she wouldnt feel anything anymore, she would be gone. As she started to think about everything that would happen if she did swallow the pills she looked down at her stomach. She pulled her shirt up alittle ways and looked at her stomach, that was once flat now was bulging out alittle bit. She ran her hand over her stomach and then pulled her shirt back down. If she did this she would kill the innocent baby that was inside of her, and even if she didnt she would probably kill the baby because she really didnt want it. Im sorry baby, dont hate me for doing this. she said to her stomach. She suddenly felt the soft fur of her dog rubbing up against her leg. She looked down at bob, the big dog was everything to her and now she didnt want him around. She softly nugged him away and he scampered out of the bathroom to go find a new place to laydown.

After he left she slowly pushed the door so it would close, well not all the way but so it wasnt wide open so someone walking in could see her. She brought the cup of water to her mouth and took a drink. She wasnt exactly sure how she would swallow the handful of pills without gaging or something, but she could do it if she really wanted to. She bit her bottom lip and brought the pills to her mouth. She was so focused on everything going on that she didnt even hear anyone enter her apartment. When the door was pushed open and Milo was standing there she was tempted to just put them all in her mouth before he could say anything but she didnt. I told you not to come. she spit out. When he pushed her hand so that all of the pills fell allover she couldnt help but feel relieved. No matter how many times she said she wanted to do it, she wasnt sure if she really would be able to go threw with it. She moved her hand up to her face and wiped away the tears that just kept coming. You should have let me do it. she said softly. She looked in the mirror and saw Milo standing behind her. I have nothing to live for, and I cant keep living like this. Why not do it? she said to him and then turned around and slid down to the floor.

clothing attire to lazy to find her clothes
status done
words 1000 something.
other yuck this post sucked.

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